Personal development

How To Move On From Anything At All

June 18, 2018

No one would tell you he or she doesn’t experience some moments when he/she wished life probably didn’t exist or wondered how such situation chose them. These are disappointing moments we can’t escape from, they are just a part of this thing called life.

It could be a heartbreak, rejection, death of a loved one or other ways sadness creeps in. Five years ago, I experienced a heartbreak that literally controlled the better part of me. I thought I’d never get out of the pain because then, it was either him or no one else (how silly!). Friends stood by me and got me through the process, so grateful for them.

Everyone is bound to have such depressing and saddening moments, there’s no gainsaying to that fact. Life suddenly seems difficult and you want such phase to expire quickly.

YOU ARE IN CONTROL

No one can help you get over it totally. Indeed, they could assist in the process by ensuring you have fun or by any other means, but really, this will work out only if you want to move on yourself. You have the control over your being, that situation has taken the hold of you because you allowed it. Mind you, it’s normal and expected you react to such situations, no one hears a bad news and jumps for joy. There should be a limit. There is a difference between someone that feels bad for two days and moves on and someone that decides to give up.

ACCEPT THE SITUATION

This doesn’t imply settling for whatever life has thrown at you. If we all do that, there will be no one to look up to, no one to inspire and motivate us. In accepting the situation, you understand the fact that everything can’t go down well, you desiring a particular thing doesn’t make it right for you. What should you do? Accept it. Brooding over it will definitely not make it happen, would it? I agree it isn’t easy, then let’s embrace this quote- “Good things don’t come easy”- you just have to understand it’s a price you should pay for your freedom and happiness.

EMBRACE THE LESSONS

We learn from experiences. In a disappointing situation, you learn, you understand what should be avoided and embraced. This will definitely cause a better result and bad situations could be averted. Trust me, there are lessons, just root them out and embrace them. It could be as simple as learning to forgive easily, avoid procrastination and so on. There are always lessons to hold on to avoid such circumstances from rising again. See it this way, what if such ordeal happened so you could learn those lessons?

LEARN TO FORGIVE

First off, you have to forgive yourself. Don’t beat yourself up, you should feel good about yourself, only then will you feel good about everyone else. In the process of being hurt, disappointed or heartbroken, there’s someone or a set of people you would blame, someone you could point as for putting you in such situation. You know you can’t move on without forgiving them, right? It’s not easy, but it is possible. They could have hurt you knowingly or otherwise, but it is important you forgive them so you can move on. As a matter of fact, they might not know you hold grudges against and some don’t even care.

QUENCH THE NEED TO DEFEND YOURSELF

This is a rarely told key to happiness. Defending your attitude, intentions and actions will only get in the way. You can’t be in everyone’s “good book” no matter how hard you try. Recognize your actions and intentions as yours, the need to gain acceptance or understanding can be likened to a vacuum that might never be filled. Don’t exhaust yourself.

LEARN TO LET GO

When the previous steps have been taken, this is as easy as closing your eyes. Letting go involves accepting the situation, learning vital lessons and forgiving yourself and other people. Do things your own way, I mean, understand what works best for you. My process for letting go might not work for you, you have to discover yours. Do not forget that you are the best person to get you out in such situation.

Parting Words

No one said it would be easy. Life constitutes the good and bad, the earlier we move on from the bad, the earlier the good approaches. You have the key to your happiness, you just need to open the door. There’s no circumstance you can’t move on from, only if you put in your conscious effort.

Love,

Tinuke…

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